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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.