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Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.