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Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired