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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.