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Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)