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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.