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You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
I am the bestest at the English language...
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.