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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page