Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.