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Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.