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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.