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I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.