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Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
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I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
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I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
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Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
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Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
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I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0))) I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fat bitch know how many chins she has.
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The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
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My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
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So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
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Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
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AWESOME!
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With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
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The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science
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I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page
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Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.
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