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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.