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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
If I were Noah, Iād be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.