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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.