Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook