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I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin