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It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
wants to rock and roll all night
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
is ready to have one too many!