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When I die, I don`t want to go sober...
Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........