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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”