Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.