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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...