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Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun