Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.