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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
I had your cake and ate it too.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.