Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.