Daily Silly Status

If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.

Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.

I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.

lol I rotfl

I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?

My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.

Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.

I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.

My house has really let itself go.

If you’re a millionaire and you don’t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool then you should just give me all of your money because you’re wasting it

The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o

I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.

Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.

So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?

You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)