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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.