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I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.