Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.