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At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, Iām forty. I have one.
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b