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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
If you are really bored, I recommend mass texting all of your exes "I`m ready to give it another shot" and then get ready for the ride of your life
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.
A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you “I’m drunk” is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying “I’m delicious”