Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.