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The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
Men, remember to re-stock the spiders this weekend so she remembers why she keeps you around.
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?