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I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.