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Screw it, Iām starting Friday now.
If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.