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How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life