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I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears