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someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
Remember when the world ended last year?
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.