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SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.