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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.