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I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
Save time. See it my way.
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.