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When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
Find someone you`re good at.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.