Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?