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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.