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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
Never squat with your spurs on
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.