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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
The best things in life require no pants.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?