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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
Is Nudeism a religion?
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.