Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don`t make enough money to have a drug problem
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
drink beer ?? save water
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you havenβt f*cked off or died yet.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
I donβt care how loud Iβm laughing, Iβm having fun and youβre not.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...