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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
My life is loosely based on a true story.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.