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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
Do you really have to breath that much?
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?