Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."