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Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%