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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
Home is where the pants aren’t.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?