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Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...