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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.