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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.