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Financial status: I hope United Airlines drags me off my flight
And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
For Christmas I just want summer...
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.