Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...