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My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.