Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.