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Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.