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The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.