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Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
I am the bestest at the English language...
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."