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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.