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I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
I put the hot in psychotic.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.