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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.