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Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone