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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?