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You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.