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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
So long pants! See you Monday!
Pillow forts have no age limit when you’re awesome.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner