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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.