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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
If you don`t boo at people after bad sex, how do you expect to motivate them to get better?
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...