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It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.