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I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.