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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
What number SPF blocks people?
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.
Some people should come with subtitles.