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You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
Gym update: not there
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.