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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.