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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Always have faith and believe in yourself…well because..the rest of us think you’re an idiot!
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.