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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat